


do you see through me

by Anonymous



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Brainwashing, HYDRA Trash Party, M/M, Nipple Play, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 10:27:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4561089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Hydra torture involved a lot of sadistic nipple play, once they noticed how sensitive Bucky's nipples were. Years after he still feels the need to keep them covered up, because exposing them makes him feel scared and vulnerable.</p>
<p>In the meantime, Steve is just trying to understand his friend as best he can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	do you see through me

**Author's Note:**

> https://hydratrashmeme.dreamwidth.org/1504.html?thread=2660576#cmt2660576

Steve is from a time when clothes were different. He’s used to men under the layers of a suit and women with layers of dresses and underthings, used to a lot more work to get people out of those layers. He still expects people to be modest and cover themselves up.

At least, that’s what he tells himself.

Really, there’s no excuse for how long it took him to realize that Bucky won’t go shirtless anywhere, not around the house or even to the bathroom. He didn’t notice until Bucky came out of a shower wet and clean but still wearing the white undershirt he had on when he went in. (He couldn’t help but notice then, the way soaked fabric clung and pulled with his muscles, dripped tantalizingly down both arms, showed off those two little peaks that had long been Steve’s favorite spot and Bucky’s—)

—

He wonders if it’s because of the scarring. During repair sessions with Tony, Bucky will wear a tank top or push up the sleeve of his shirt, showing the whole metal shoulder and the mangled, ruined place where it joins with his body. There are more scars over the rest of Bucky’s body, Steve knows.

Maybe Bucky’s ashamed of the scars, or maybe they remind him of too many painful memories. 

He hadn’t looked ashamed.

—

Bucky takes a bad hit in the field and they have to take him into the hospital, racing to get him fluids and stitches before he’s lost more blood than even he can afford to. For two long hours Steve is in near constant terror, wondering if this will be the thing that finally kills Bucky, but then his knockoff serum kicks in and his wounds start to seal up. 

It takes a day, but Bucky eventually wakes to see Steve at his bedside, and he smiles as their eyes meet. It’s the most beautiful thing Steve’s ever seen.

Then Bucky looks down, sees the way his chest is bare to accommodate the bandages on his abdomen, and he freezes. Slowly and deliberately, he reaches down to pull the hospital blanket up over his body. He gives a little shiver as he does it, as if to demonstrate that he’s cold and trying to warm up, and then he relaxes almost completely once he’s covered. His face had been calm the whole time.

The blips on the heart monitor had come so fast they nearly ran together.

Steve starts to wonder if something had happened to Bucky that he didn’t know about yet, something even worse than the well-documented torture Hydra inflicted.

—

Steve feels guilty fantasizing about a man who’s so damaged he doesn’t even know his own name some days, but he feels even worse imagining a stranger, objectifying a faceless body and using it to get off. So he sticks to Bucky, and prays that Bucky won’t feel any obligation to be with him because of it.

He thinks of the first time they were together, when Bucky had slid his mouth downwards to latch onto one of Steve’s nipples, and Steve had complained that he wasn’t some girl with tits for Bucky to play with.

“It ain’t anything to do with bein’ a guy or a girl,” Bucky had insisted. “It just feels good. Here, you do me.”

And Steve had gone to his chest and sucked and nipped a little, and Bucky had moaned so loud Steve had thought for sure he was playing it up to make a point. Then he’d seen Bucky’s cock red and swollen and drooling everywhere, eager for more and harder, straining where Steve was only half-hard. It drove Steve crazy right back that he could affect Bucky so much.

—

One time, Steve had told Bucky to stay still and keep his hands up so that he could work. He had straddled Bucky’s stomach and stayed there for more than an hour, rubbing at Bucky’s nipples with hands and fingertips, fingernails and pinches when Bucky started to whine, his mouth when Bucky finally begged. It took all of Steve’s slight weight to hold Bucky in place when he used his teeth.

He hadn’t stopped until Bucky was crying and his come was getting tacky on the small of Steve’s back.

—

It feels so good to finally touch Bucky again. Steve’s glad of his ridiculous refractory period— he has a feeling he’s going to need it.

“Gonna let me fuck you, Stevie?” Bucky breathes, and all Steve can do is nod frantically. Yes, yes, anything. He wants to feel Bucky in him, around him, touching him, he wants to know if Bucky still remembers his sensitive spots, he wants to rediscover Bucky’s. Then Bucky’s hands are on him and every coherent thought Steve has left flies out the window.

It feels like a long-lost piece finally slotted into a puzzle, like the last page of resolution in a beloved story. It feels like coming home.

Steve doesn’t realize until afterward that Bucky had kept his shirt on the whole time.

—

They fall into bed, and Bucky ends up underneath. Steve wants to laugh (or die of embarrassment) because they’re both highly trained supersoldiers and somehow neither of them was able to spot the stray boot lying in the middle of the floor, or avoid tripping over it. So much for serum-reflexes, he wants to say.

But then he looks down, and Bucky is spread underneath him and his chest is heaving. His eyes are glassy and terrified but he forces his own arms up above his head, tips his chin up, spreads his legs wider.

“I— I’m ready, sir,” Bucky whispers. There’s a tremor in his voice.

Steve jumps off him like he’s on fire.

—

Steve runs down the length of the gym, avoids the randomly-shifting obstacles Tony programmed in, springs off the wall, and runs back the other direction. He needs the exercise to help him focus. Bucky seemed to enjoy their sex just as much as he had, when he was on top, but the second his body was underneath Steve’s he had reverted to some kind of— old protocol, maybe? He shudders with horror at the idea that Bucky was programmed to take it like that, even when he was barely breathing with terror.

Can he conscion having sex with Bucky at all, if that can happen? Would he even know it was happening before it was too late?

“Man, you can’t even pace like a normal person,” Sam says from the doorway. Steve stops at the wall, looks back at the track he’s been running back and forth, and starts to laugh. There’s an edge of hysteria in his voice. 

—

This time, Steve is careful. He makes sure he’s underneath, gets Bucky inside him quick and tries to stay coherent despite the perfect stretch of Bucky’s cock. It’s always been enough to drive him wild, but he can’t let it, now. He writhes and strokes in all the ways Bucky used to love best, despite the hindrance of his shirt.

And it’s working. Bucky looks happy, so full of pleasure that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Then Bucky whines into his mouth, just the way he used to when he wanted—

On reflex, Steve surges up and mouths at Bucky’s nipple through his shirt, tonguing and sucking and getting the fabric wet with his saliva. Bucky shudders gratifyingly before his thrusts regain rhythm, harder and faster until Steve can’t help but come, mouth going slack against Bucky’s nipple. When he recovers himself, he sucks again, lightly, stopping when he feels the surge of heat inside him that means Bucky’s coming. He can feel the rabbit-quick beating of Bucky's heart under his cheek.

After, Bucky lies beside him, sighing into Steve’s shoulder. Slowly, tentatively, he pulls the shirt off, uses it to wipe up their mess, throws it aside. Steve relishes the feeling of bare skin to skin at last.

—

Later, Steve is nearly asleep when he sees Bucky move out of the corner of his eye.

Bucky trails warm flesh fingers up his own body, hesitating on his pectoral muscle, right next to the nipple Steve had sucked. He takes a deep breath before he touches the nipple itself. A little sound escapes him as he prods it. In the dark, his wide eyes look awed, shocked.

“It didn’t hurt,” he whispers.


End file.
